Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"I wanna hear your voice and look in your eyes and kiss your lips and feel your skin."

She whispered "Maybe one day you'll really understand. You'll know how it feels to wake up alone. There will be ice frozen across the inside of your chest. Icicles will form on your ribs like a steel city bridge. Your cheeks will never feel warm, your bed will never be home. You'll desperately try to break the spine from your back, soak away worry in a hot tub. But it won't work, nothing will work. Maybe one day you'll understand how lonely it is to be trapped inside these arms."

He looked at her with those soft brown eyes. His lips parted ever so slightly and he sighed "I'm sorry but I do no feel anything close to that." His head fell into his hands, clumps of hair screaming between his fingers.

This was the reason she could never be tied down. No matter how many times she let her heart escape and go about loving, the feelings always ended up leaving. They sunk deeper into an unknown chest cavity, also known as the human time capsule. The first kiss, secret freckles, the smell and silent hum he'd make when kissing her, all these memories weren't meant for living. This was the hardest part, realizing that no matter how many times she let herself love, that they would always get up and leave. Her reckless fears of abandonment weren't so reckless. What's the point in having someone love you if they only stay with you out of fear? They weren't looking at you like some goddess, their eyes weren't trying to drink you up, you were just a project. They felt sorry for you. That was pity. You just needed them at the time and they just wanted to help. They wanted to crack open your mind and here your sob story while they spit out the bad parts, only to have them look at you like some belly-bloated Ethiopian in the end. They'd throw a bag of rice in your direction and say "Look, fuck it. I did all I could do. I did my part. I'm not such a bad guy." This was the the hardest part of all.

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