Friday, March 26, 2010

I'm embarrassing

I wish there was a way to erase November 2008- Well, now.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

So talk yourself till your blue in the face, cause someone always wants to listen to hate

Here comes the girl with the ice cream cone
Who says she didn't get
A scoop as big as mine
Does it hurt to force a smile to my face?
Does it burn to wish you were in another place?
I won't look to you anymore

I've got this scar on the back of my arm from when I fell through a swing. I've got this scar above my right eye from a surgery I swear I remember, but my mom tells me "shit, there's no way a 4month year old remember something like that." Technically I was dead for 3whole minutes, my heart stopped beating and I remember white lights and feeling warm. Maybe you can't fully appreciate life until you've rubbed elbows with death, I guess I need to live a little because my heart feels dead.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Here's a song for you lovely,

It's hard to open up even about why I don't open up, anymore. Nobody laughs at my jokes. Nobody knows how to fight when I start pushing them away. I give up, love is for suckers.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

So long past, past-due. A new name for everything.

Remember that time when I drove my little red car to the dock, we sat and took pictures while I twirled my ring and the wind blew my curls in my face
Remember that time I didn't wear socks with your sneakers? It was the hottest day in the city that spring, my feet were covered in blisters. You took off your sweaty socks, handed them to me and I put them on my feet before we stepped onto the subway
Remember that time I missed the last train into the city? Instead of leaving me stranded at Wilmington station you came all the way to pick me up and drive me to Philadelphia
Remember that time when I told you I had no sense of direction and you laughed and said "walk four blocks up, take a right," but you were actually wrong. It was four blocks up take a left
Remember that time you got really close to my face, kissed all my teeth and told me you loved my smile?
Remember that time ..

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Oh, how I miss you

your memory has all the power. you are completely fucking helpless inside your own head. your heart is a prison. you'll be busy going about your business when suddenly something from your past will flood across your eyes; colors and feelings all forcing you to remember, and even if you're screaming with your hands up "just let me go, I didn't do anything wrong," your memory will make your throat tighten and your insides churn. it could be something sad or something so small and beautiful. your hands will shake because you couldn't believe you'd remember something that happened so many years ago. you'll be in the shower washing your hair when suddenly you remember hands on your elbows pulling you in at a bus stop, concerned and asking why you look so sad. something so small and tender will drip like beads of water across your eyes and your blood will run cold. during an important test you'll hear a sound that will ignite a match inside your ears, setting off a toxic fuse of teeth and a mouth connected to a laugh you can remember so clearly. the click of a typewriter will make you think of a train ride up state, the chorus of a song will make your mouth water. welcome to prison.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Looking past the fire in your eyes I kiss your railroad spine, secret freckles that conduct my mouth I pull my hair behind my ears, ash-brown curls spilling over my shoulders sudden bones I've never met. My skin is warm and you smell like soap. Cheek to shoulder, arm to waist - these sheets will either sink or swim this night will either happen or it won't. I try not to think too much because when I start thinking my heart starts sinking, I try to remember this moment; soft eyes touch kiss take a break, oh wow "is this really happening?" "yes, yes hello" bovine eyes meet you eyes.. pillow break socks off, shirt off, suddenly I'm aware of my own heartbeat. You bring my hand to your chest "you feel that?" I did, and I do.