My week long vacation was nice. My skin saw sun for the first time in months, I'm getting familiar with these little freckles on my nose, shoulders and one on my top lip that I forgot creep out when I get a little tan. I ate spoonfuls of nutella on toast and drank milky tea on the tree swing in the morning. I met up with Rashi for late brunch/girl talk/ and we did some shopping and thrifting. I am now a few articles of clothing richer, and $30 poorer.
Today was my first day back to work, it turned out to be a tiresome 10hour day (blahhh) full of a million stinky dogs that I had to bathe. I was a little out of synch considering I'd been off for a week and was looking forward to my usual lunch pick me-up. As usual I went to the local deli where my mom and I normally get a sandwich and a coke. While I was standing in line I saw this guy watching me creepily.. I googled "Creepy mexican" and found this jabroni Unfortunately I am not one of the hot babes featured above, but you get the idea of what the guy looked like, also he seemed equally as desperate as the guy pictured above.
DISCLAIMER I am hispanic so no I'm not being racist or profiling and or suggesting that all mexicans are perverts..yada yada this guy was straight up wearing a mexican pride t-shirt, so yeah'yeah you get the jist..Jah luv! Continue on with the story..
So as usual I looked super hot. I was wearing my two sizes too big levis, an old war hungry faded band t shirt, black keds covered in dog hair and my rats nest hair was pulled to the side, no makeup and I probz smelled like a wet dog.. I can totally understand why a random guy would be wayyyy into this look and compelled to do what this guy did next.. so I'm walking out to my car with my lunch when this guy walks up to me, HISSES, and motions for me to give him a blowjob!
Now I've definitely dealt with some crass motherfuckers in my day.. but this takes the cake! Especially in the deli parking lot of the small town where I work! Who does that? I can almost understand some random perv on the subway or something, but for someone to do that at 12pm on a Wednesday afternoon.. that really blew my mind, especially that this freak thought I might just you know, by chance suddenly get the ~WILD~ urge to blow him. Because there's nothing more I'd like on my lunch break then to blow you... keep dreaming dude.
So I'm starring at this weirdo with my mouth hanging open, half about to laugh and I flip him off and get into serious mode and shout "fuck off already," as I'm getting into my car. While I'm backing out of the parking space I somehow feel his lazer-perv eyes firing in on me. I briefly look over and he motions to me again! This time I flipped him off, blew him a kiss and sped away. Damn people are weird.
On a less fucked up note I came home to this new edition :
(please excuse the grease face/ lack of makeup!)
My mom found this little bundle of joy in the parking lot at work (we seem to find great things in parking lots..) we've named her Bunny (we wanted to stick with the B names in our pet-family.) She's some kind of a sweetheart, loves to sleep on my dogs belly and doesn't know how to meow. Maybe I'll teach her someday.
The entire Owen I do Perceive album is all I really listen to when I'm feeling down. Sad music makes you feel ever sadder, therefor continuing the cycle, watch it go round and round, but I honestly don't mind. I don't think being sad is so damn bad. Humans have feelings and having feelings is part of being a human, we're lucky to have emotions. It only last a little while anyway.
I think I'm just sick of summer. I'm sick of humidity and the constant temperature being 91degrees. I hate never going to the beach and looking pale as a sheet all the time. All I do is work, 11hour days are killing me. I'd really love a pedicure. Having your feet scrubbed and polished to a lady like finish is such a wonderful feeling. But with all that money comes greed, and I don't want to waste $40 on something that's actually pretty dumb.. I can paint my own toe-nails. But it would be a such sweet treat. Who wants to spoil me rotten?
I want fall! I want cardigans, changing leaves, and bus rides up the interstate where the trees change at an alarming rate. I want school to start! I wanna feel so nerdy and stressed out. Anxious about being late for class, nervous about if my professors will like me or not, a little giddy thinking if I'll have any hot professors who throw flirty darts of intellect at me during class. I miss awkward conversations with fellow classmates, and the fact that I never like any of them because they're all normies but I sort of just play along because it's fun. I want to go to the complex and wear boots and throw leaves into the water and start shivering when the sun goes down. I want to crochet in Matt's kitchen. I want my hair so long and curly. No matter how bad life got, I always had fall to make me happy. With it's bonfires and football games. I could always FALL BACK onto fall, it was the one thing I loved that nobody could (still can't) take away from me.
There are so many things that I just want to be different. I'm so sick of this endless cycle. I feel like a cooler climate would mellow me out more clear up my sinuses take away the pollen from the trees that cause my eyes to itch. I'm bored with everything, every book I read, magazine, blog/article/newspaper blah blah they all make me yawn and I really wish there was something to excite me. Look at me sounding all miserable, I think I'm just really I'm sick of boob sweat, I mean seriously fuck boob sweat.
I don't care if my dog isn't big and strong and could pull me from a burning building. I don't care that he isn't tough or the trendy "it" dog at the moment. What I do care about is how he reminds me of Snuggle, how I got to stay home from school in the 6th grade because our dog Bridgette was having her puppies, and I got to wash the gooey placenta from his eyes. I sat there with my mom watching the gross little poodle-pups swoosh out, one by one. It was pretty gross, but the moment they were all cleaned off and squirming around, blind and searching from some milk, my heart melted. We have so many people that come around and say "I never liked poodles until I met your dogs!" We have three, a salt and pepper female named Bridgette (the mommy), a black male named Benny (the father) and an apricot male named Bobby (the baby.) For some reason I nicknamed Bobby "boo boo" (way before Nelly copped that term,) and still do this day he responds to like 5 different versions of his name ; Little Bob, Baba, Boo Boo, Little Baby, Boochie .. yeah it goes on and on. The funny thing is, if you ask me what my favorite dog is I'll say "ShihTzu, and my poodles, but only mine." I don't love any poodles but our own. My mom always says once they all die (aww) she'll move onto a different breed, King Charles Spaniel most likely, because we had such a good run with our little freaky poodles. So, yeah I'm assuming this entry has made me sound like an obsessed proud I <3 POODLE LOVER but whatever, if the tacky white t fits, then so be it!
also I found this in google image search I'm lol'in
DO you ever find yourself thinking back on an old friendship, one that's long since fallen apart and going "Hmm, man, I miss SO&SO what the hell happened?" Unfortunately due to the sensitive mind that I inherited from my mother I usually fall into this pattern about once every couple of months. I sit back and think of all the friendships that I wasn't able to save, or that I just let drown because I was sick of caring. All the significant "fall apart friendships" stick out in my mind like the first time you went to the dentist, first time you got your heart broken, first time you got b0ned, first time you broke a limb. They impact you in a way that you can never imagine, they teach you the kind of friend you never want to be.
Some people might read this and disagree, maybe you know me personally, chances are you really don't. The odds of you and I having a friendship that I just "gave up on" are slim to impossible. But maybe you think you know me. But here, let me help break it down : I've been through a lot, but I'm never going to air my dirty laundry. There is a certain level of respect one holds for themselves where despite the fact that they are a fighter/survivor whatever you'd like to call it, the hardest part will always be trying to fight that urge to blurt out your life story to every person you meet. You want to explain yourself, tell them your side of the story. Explain how bad it hurt, how you think about it all the time.
But I'll never be that kind of girl. I'll keep all the little mysteries of Erica Moreno bottled up inside like some ancient mystery. I hope you're starting to draw conclusions, because you could never come close. To all the friends I trusted, loved, did nice things for, wholeheartedly thought would have my back when shit got rough. I want to say thanks for fucking it up. For ruling out a nice person just because you didn't have it in you anymore.
Still, no regrets. It's a brand new day, I'm only 20years old. Shit changes, people change, faces - names - mouths that those mouths keep glued to their mouths, those all will change. It's called progression. For example, if you were to ask me how I liked my coffee last summer I would have told you STRONG ROAST, WHOLE MILK, AND LIKE, THREE SPOONFULS OF RAW-ASS SUGAR! But now I'm older, wise, and realized I was drinking a lot of unnecessary calories. So now my twist is still a strong roast but with skim milk and splenda. It's not that great but, progression, right?
I'm not quite sure where I was going with this entry, it's a bit scatterbrained and for that I apologize. I guess I just wanted to point out the fact that people change and friendships change, but the reason why those friendships ended, that reason changes too. I don't regret anybody I ever loved and trusted, I wouldn't trade it for the world. I don't regret those relationships falling apart, because if that had never happened I wouldn't be where I am today. Today I'm stronger than I ever imagined, there's an inner light inside me that somehow keeps shining despite all the dark clouds and moody attitudes thrown in as distractions. The hits just keep on coming, but now I feel differently. I'll stand in the middle of the street with a bulls eye on my back. Hit me.
I want a shower with a sky-light. I want to wash my hair in sunshine, condition the ends with clouds. On the overcast days I will keep my eyes shut tightly. On the rainy days I will open my eyes and pretend I'm showering in the rain forest. I will imagine my soap dish is a tree frog, watching me wash away a days worth of blood sweat and tears.
I want a big kitchen sink to do my dishes in. No I do not want a "dish washer." We had one in my old house as a kid, it broke, we used it as a place to dry dishes after I'd hand washed them. I want green apple dish soap and three different wash cloths, clean at all times. I want an assortment of hand towels. I want to wake up in the mornings and look at all my dry dishes, I'll gently put them away, quietly because everybody else is sleeping.
I want hard wood floors. I do not want a filthy carpet that the neighbors (when they come over to borrow a cup of Splenda,) will drag in all the dirt on their boots. Carpets are filthy dirty devices. I want the sun to bounce off the wood and for my footprints to stick in humidity.
I want a big porch with a porch swing. I want to sit and swing and sit and swing for hours, or until I feel sick. I want to enjoy my morning cup of coffee on that swing. I want to rock my first born child to sleep humming something soft and sweet. I'll sit there at night, still as a bird, and catch my first born sneaking in past his/her curfew. I'll shout "GOTCHA!" and scare the crap out of them! I'll shake my knobby finger in their face and say "You can't fool mama!"
I want a husband who tells me he loves me every single day. Regardless if my bum gets too wide and my lips lose their fullness I'll have wrinkles and frizzy hair My teeth won't be as white I'll have stretch marks and a doughy stomach, years of abuse from harvesting little humans inside my uterus. But my man won't mind! He will push his wrinkled nose into mine and whisper "I love you."
I want to bake my family pies, and biscuits. I want to set the table for dinner every night, even if it's just my husband and I because the kids are busy with their extracurricular activities. I want to adorn my children's Easter baskets with tacky fake grass, I'll rot their teeth out with too much candy. I want to buy my children dental floss. I want to memorize my future husbands brand of deodorant, I want to buy that for him. I want to be a nurturing mama bear, I want to buy my children's school portraits because that's what normal parents do. I'll frame their pictures and embarrassingly show their future prom dates. I want my children to never question my morals. I want to be the best possible mother. I want those hard wood floors, I guess you could say I want the white picket fence? Ok, fine, throw that in there!
RISE UP! RISE UP! - Cursive Tell me what to swallow 0 Crystal Castles Wild is the Wind - David Bowie Come on Christmas - MGMT The Source - Built to Spill I Better Be Quiet - Elliott Smith Hallmark - Broken Social Scene For Emma - Bon Iver 17 - Kings of Leon Asleep - Okay The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot - Brand New Moses of the South - Colour Revolt This Isn't You - New Found Glory True to Form - Knapsack You're full of Shit (Check Out my Sweet Riffs) - Giant Drag Dirty Hands - Black Lips The List (DEMO) - Metric Take Me To The Riot - Stars
Made a little mix for my trip to Baltimore tomorrow. It's compiled of some oldies but goodies, and some new tunes. I would have taken the time to upload this onto imee but half the songs aren't on there and all my itunes got deleted, if you're really dying for a copy of this I can work something out. In other news I can't wait to get away for a new days, surround myself with my favorite girlz and blow all my money. I'm also re-reading Paint it Black (Janet Fitch duh) for the third time, just because. I'm glad July is over, August seems to be an even struggle of good/bad. Only two more weeks until I'm reunited with my ~love~ I'm already anticipating fall.