Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Happy Alone

Just how much distance means we're on our own?

In my heart, I've always known
I gotta be happy alone
so burn the mail, destroy the phone
yeah, I'd rather be happy alone
the moving sky, the rocks below
All seem perfectly happy alone

Our little hearts have turned to stone
I'd better be happy alone.

Sometimes being alone is the only thing that feels right. This only furthers my theory that I'm going to die alone, surrounded by all my books and tacky thrift store collectibles. I'll be the little old lady who has a mountain of ipod nanos in her closet waiting for the day when they're "worth a lot of money." I'll probably never be close enough to conning a man into marrying me, and I really don't believe in that cheesy "soul mates" business. I'm pretty much a miserable shell of a human.

But on a less dismal note I've come to realize I only surround myself with non-needy people, which is a great thing and since weeding out all the bad apples I've come to find my life very quite and comfortable. No longer do I get angry text messages saying "You never returned my text from x/x/20xx wa wa" which would then lead me into the same pattern : eye roll "I forgot to text you back.. Sorry.." one can only go on with this cycle so long before you finally throw up your hands and shout OK, FUCK IT, I'M A SHITTY FRIEND, WHATEVER!!!! I can't stand needy people I'm not your boyfriend, give me a break! I can see my flaw in this situation.. I should try to be a better friend but in my defense, in this busy day and age, in this recession, a modern girl such as myself gets worn down, half the time I barely have a brain. I'm overworked and underachieving, what did you expect?! I never claimed to be baby Jesus.

There are times when I do in fact poke my head out of my hermit shell and say "whasssup" and those moments shine on.. or at least I'd like to think that they do. Regardless if you're my friend I actually do care about you and if I make the effort then well, that's just great, let's keep on keeping on.

I'm also seeing freaky-ass WHY? on Oct2nd with my best friend, I really cannot wait. My hips start to sway whenever I hear any of the new tracks off Eskimo Snow.

I'm starving and really want some mexican food, but I have one friend that lives here in my boring little town and unfortunately she's getting her education on. So I'll make myself a bowl of oatmeal, throw on my sweats and retire to my book in bed method, it's quite riveting, trust me. Maybe I'll try to text a few of those friends who thought I'd died and then suddenly upon resurrecting my facebook, popped up with a friendly hello. Yeah I'll do that.


Hemingway's Lounge / Bukowski's Basement said...

Love the blog. Lots of honest, raw, funny emotion. Keep up the good work. You'll make a great scribe...

no winners here said...

stop, you're going to give me a big head! but thank you thank you :)