Friday, July 17, 2009

We can drive thru the city no doubt, but don't say my car's topless, Say the titties is out

A very wise man once said to me "I really think gay guys probably have the best relationships. They actually understand dudes and probably like to bang and hang and that's it."

On that note I'd like to discuss the topic of heterosexual people, dating each other; It's sort of a bad idea. Now before you all freak out I'd like to emphasize the fact that I myself am in a heterosexual relationship very happily might I add! But unfortunately for me, it took many years of trial and error to actually learn how to not drive boys insane and make them hate me. The one thing I wish someone would have told me when I first grew a big butt at age 14 and started dating was this, BOYS ARE DIFFERENT THAN GIRLS!

Why didn't someone warn me!?! Why didn't someone scream out from the top of their window "Erica all of these meaningless mistakes and fights you've gotten yourself into over different boys/guys/men whatever you want to call them, 99% of all those misunderstandings could have been prevented if you only knew BOYS ARE DIFFERENT THAN GIRLS!"

Boys want to go hang out with friends, they want to go off and do cool guy shit. This term is referred to as "bro'ing down." Usually bro'ing down consist of doing whatever it is that particular type of guy + his friends enjoy doing such as; watching youtube videos, eating pizza, skateboarding, or just going to the mall/movies whatever. If you don't get a text message from him because he's too busy bro'ing it, do not freak out. Don't tell him you feel neglected. Don't text him incessantly. Don't jump to conclusions and ASSUME "suddenly" hates you. Don't cry to your girlfriends that he's "ignoring you," because he really isn't. Sure if you don't hear from him for an entire week and see that he's still updating his facebook status like a motherfucker' chances are yeah, sure, he is ignoring you. But in most cases he's just busy doing what guys do best, having fun with his friends.

That's another thing.. girls seriously cannot have fun. Is there anything girls do that doesn't always end in talking about boys? Is there ever a night where you're out with your ladies, going to ~da club~ or what have you, and by the time you're all winding down clicking through your phones, isn't there always that one friend who's crying about her man?

Do you think for a SECOND that men EVER do these sort of things? "Oh yeah I'm so bummed out guys. My girl never text messaged/bbm'd/twitter @'d/myspace messaged/ facebook commented me back!" Hellll no! And you know why? Because men are men. Men like women (unless they are homosexual in which case this isn't related to you, play on playa,) but men also like hanging out with their guy friends, getting a little break from us women.

Now wouldn't it be great if girls had the same concept? That for once when they didn't hear from their guy for more than an hour they didn't let out an annoying sigh and say "Ugggggggghhhhh *inserthisnamehere* is ignoring me!" And don't mistake this blog for me riding around on my high horse because embarrassingly enough we've all been there, done that, including me. But you live and you learn. You learn that freaking out over nothing, telling him you feel "ignored" all of these are signs of insecurity.. clingyness aka all red flags. This will only make a guy take a step backward and go "damn... she's crazy." And yes ladies, let's admit it already we are crazy.

But we are also smarter than men in every other aspects, come on, we can carry little humans inside our uterus for 9months, WE ARE machines! So why let the guys have all the fun, literally? So the next time you feel like overreacting take a deep breath shorty. Put your phone back into your purse, check your weave and just have a little F U N. Relax. Don't let technology make you look too available, don't let technology make YOU feel vulnerable, try a little mystery for once. Be your own person, have your own friends, and most importantly have your own fun.

If this entry really hasn't sunk into your thick head, you should just read this skank's third memoir. She's actually onto something.



oh man, is the book really good?

i'm curious now

no winners here said...

No idea, I know she's known as "superhead" in the hip hop community because she was the biggest groupie ever and wrote a tell all book about her sex-scapades with all of the rap industry's leading men.

this book is apparently written by the "refined" version of herself, she's married now with a kid. it's supposed to teach you "how to find the right man" who knows, I'm going to check it out, I'll let you know!

Allison said...

Sounds like something every girl should read, it would probably help cut down on a lot unncessary drama.

Nikki Ashton said...

backed. 100%. love you.

Lily said...

when you come to wb we must have a conference

Kate said...

you are a fantastic writer.