So what

so what of temperatures and sick-notes and permission slips?
so what does it all look like from out there where it's always night?
so what of the outer-space perfected from a satellite?
so what of the freeway, the blinker in the traffic jam?
the other girl says "so what" when her best friend comes home with a tan.
so what is the sound inside the mouth that has been mouthing it?
I record a song and someone says "so what, it sounds like shit."
so what is the distance in the feeling in the young deer legs that wake us in the wooded field,
so we rise and cook some eggs
the surface of her skin is being brushed by brush and weeds alike
the whole sky rests against you, it flies past you when you ride a bike, so what
so what
so what
so what

Oh,

My keyboard is covered in powdered sugar because we ran out of regular sugar for our coffee. I keep sneezing and woke up last night to some random kid standing in my room at 4 a.m asking "Are you John's sister.." and I groaned pulling a sheet over myself replied : "Yeah.. who the fuck are you?" The kid then SCREAMED "JOHN WAKE UP YOU CAN'T FALL ASLEEP,DUDE......." apparently my little brother got drunk and fell down two flights of stairs and this kid was worried he had a concussion.. my response was "He's done it before he'll live." So once again I barely got any sleep and I have work in a few minutes. My best friend came over my house last night and brought me ice cream and watched The Sopranos on my bed with me, and when we lost interest we creeped craigstlist for M/W "Do you really just click on all the ones with pictures hoping they'll be a dick?" "Yeah I thought everybody did that," "No. No that isn't normal." I think I'm going to buy myself new pretty underthings after work to cheer myself up, that and mexican food with my favorite mexican bestie. Mornings blow. I wish this was easier but it's just so fucking hard. I feel like my brain is seeping out of my ears and I just want to throw my blackberry into the dishwasher and forget about the numbers that never text me.

How did you spend your 20th birthday?

I know how I'm going to be spending mine..

From: ericamoreno88@hotmail.com
To: dmoreno@chemtoten.com
Hey dad sorry it took me a few days to get back to you, but I liked your voice message. Things are pretty good in Delaware, lonely as always but you know me I get by. A little stressful now that school started but I'm having fun keeping busy, actually I am writing a paper right now at 9PM on a Friday night hah. Thought about what your last email said asking me if I wanted to come to visit for my birthday/ Thanksgiving break and I think it sounds like a good idea. I could use a vacation. Hope all is well, xx Erica.

INSPIRATION

This is my face, deal with it.

1. I was born in Atlanta, GA on Thanksgiving 88'

2. People always ask me "what's your ethnicity?" I am half Spanish (my real dad is from Madrid,) and Irish, English, Welsh on my moms side.

3. The only bone I've ever broken was my femur at sage 5

4. My first real memory is being in kindergarten during art class and this boy (who recently added my best friend on facebook) came up behind me and whispered in my ear "I am going to hump the shit out of you" ...

5. I used to try to dress up our black lab and husky mix "Bud" in my baby clothes and one time he got so sick of me tying baby bonnets on his head that he bit my arm. When my mom walked in on me crying I lied and said that I fell down so he wouldn't get in trouble. Two years later he would be put down for biting a neighborhood girl's face.

6. I have this obsession with "The Secret Lives of Women" "Bridezillas" pretty much any bullshit WE TV spits out I'll watch, cry and love.

7. I'm obsessive compulsive over my skin. My face gets washed, exfoliated and moisturized every single night. I think in the past 4 years I've only missed two nights. I'm serious..

8. Sometimes when I'm at work I like to sing fake Italian to the dogs I'm giving baths

9. Oh, I work at a dog grooming shop giving dogs baths all day, it's fun for the first 20minutes then the rest of the day fucking sucks and you're soaking wet with soap in your eyes.

10. I'm currently enrolled in college for Human Services Drug And Alcohol Counseling. I love my major but I'm so indecisive and somedays I want to be a massage therapist, a famous writer, or an art teacher. But so far my major is a lot of fun, I really think I could help people. I hope so at least, although half of my professors worry I'm "too nice"

11. All of my professors at school are always male, and I always find myself wondering what they look like naked. Or if they're boobs or butt men.

12. I love anything sour.. lemon wedges, sour patch kids, sour gummy worms. Basically anything that can fuck up the enamel on your teeth - I LOVE

13. I'm an extrovert, I don't think I've ever been intimidated by another human in my life.

14. Shamelessly addicted to my crackberry, I can't go 5 seconds without checking that thing

15. When my dog dies I'm going to fall apart.

16. I always eat dinner at 11 or 12 PM when I'm home in Delaware..

17. I've had the same best friend since the 3rd grade.

18. I used to be classically trained vocally and was a Soprano 1, which means I can sing really high notes. I stopped going to all state practice because I got sick of the girls always fainting on the high risers and our practices were 5 hours long and all I wanted to do freshman year was sleep.

19. I know someday I'm going to be published, the only thing I've ever really been sure of is the fact that I will always be a writer.

20. My real dad lives in Tokyo, Japan - maybe someday I'll visit him..

21. I love really dirty rap, no seriously.. anything nasty chances are I know the entire hook.

22. Edward Norton, Mike Rowe, and Kevin Spacey all = my perfect men.

23. The only constant male figure in my life has been my big brother Ian, I honestly can say he's the reason why I learned to trust men again. He taught me it's okay to be pissed off but to NEVER be bitter about the past.

24. My favorite poet is Elena Georgiou.

And Russian dolls that grow
smaller and inside each is a love I cannot hear
when I hold their open bodies to my ear.

And a poem fragment that says:
To understand me you have to swallow
a world.

And another that says:
Most of what matters in my life happens
in my absence.

And: Excuse me
while I kiss the sky.

25. Today is my day off and it feels wonderful

26. I live in Delaware. First State, Tax Free.

27. I'm sitting in my mom's room with the tv on and my three dogs on the bed with me, our big husky Sammy is on the floor. One dog is gray, one dog is black, and my dog is white.

28. Someday I hope I can fall in love with myself. But I'm still to young to understand who I am. I hope I figure it out, eventually.

Don't tell me how much better it was in the eighties

School starts today (or actually tonight for me, since I work during the day,) and here is a list of some things I wish I had..


Authentic caveman trapper keeper (I would use this for math!)


Gucci Backpack, to keep all my treats and pencil box inside.


Multi Colored Leather Cases for BlackBerry Pearl so I can keep my blackberry from getting sour patch kid sugar inside the screen..


Hello Kitty Mermaid pencil case


"My Design" keds because everyone needs new kicks for the fall


I just want this for when I go to shows as a means of preventing scoliosis.

She knows what she wants,

And just how to get it.

I've had the flu these past couple of days, and in between sweating all over myself and choking down horrible ~orange~ flavored cough medicine I've just been reading a lot. I really love falling in love with old books.

Finally dragged my haggard self out of bed, got a shower and drove to my school to register for classes. I drank tons of orange juice and doubled my dosage on my medz thinking I could really kill 3 birds with one stone i.e pay the rest of my differed payments off, register for the rest of my classes, and even buy my books! Only to be turned away by the milk-maid crunchy hair lady at the front desk who me told to come back TOMORROW to meet with a board of advisor's for my major (Human Services Drug and Alcohol counseling) so they can "discuss" the classes I should take. I starred at her and asked "why would there be any discussion.......................I know the classes I want to take." But crunchy informed of the new policy.

Defeated, I went back to my car to drown my sorrows in orange juice and Camera Obscura. All in all never try to kill anything with a stone. I have to go back tomorrow before work and hopefully it'll all "work out" NO PUN.

This entry was blasé.

..Please?

Thanks

For always being the best. For always waking me up in the morning by pawing my face and waiting outside the bathroom while I take a shower. For having the cutest nose and knowing better than to beg for food, because you already know that I will give you everything I'm eating anyway. For loving me when I sing DMX to you (minus the irony.) I love that I remember the day you were born, how I wanted your twin sister Peaches instead of you because I was a little girl and wanted a girl puppy. I cried when my mom told me they had decided to keep you... also cried again when mom wouldn't let me name you Britches. Instead, we settled on Bobby. In which case I was in love with the nickname "Boo" since I heard Ja'rule use it on BET in reference to Ashanti. I remember the day you started taking to me for no reason, suddenly I fell in love with you and finally had my own dog. Thank's for always cuddling up with me when I feel shitty and loving me no matter how bad I smell from work. You'll always be the fucking best, as you stare at me while I type this and I feed you animal crackers.

Beginners luck

I fall asleep hoping tomorrow tastes like poems and honeysuckle. I move slow ‘cause the sky looks bluer when you fuck the order of the day or the way the shelves were meant to fit.

...

I miss my best friend, he comes home in 4 days. These past few days I spent in NYC with my friend Nikki verbally abusing the stinky streets of china town and snacking on cheese popcorn, cheese goldfish, fresh fruit, pinkberry frozen yogurt and sour patch kids. YOU CATCH YA GIRLS LEGS OPEN BETTER SMASH THAT DON'T BE SURPRISED IF SHE ASK WHERE DA SNACKZ AT. Not to mention endless bottles of SmartWater and Evian. I can't imagine life without bottled water or comfortable keds.

Also props to MAX for making me an awesome rap mix!

I cut my finger on a broken glass. My entire being = zero grace. I'm basically the most awkward and clumsy human you will ever meet. It's a good day for me if I haven't acquired a scrape, bruise or stitches.

My bed is too hott, my room is really lonely. I'm ready for fall and tights and sweaters. School to start, time to get nerdy and spend all my time studying and writing papers I love being entirely consumed in school work. I can't wait for frosty fingertips and winter noses, drinking hot chocolate all the time and eating ice cream with gloves.

Officially today I am entirely debt free. That feels VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVunderful.

Who the fuck would ever read this.

Cover my ears and close my eyes

please show up on my door step.