Why I'm awake at 6:20AM, on my only day off this week, is beyond me. But here I am. I can't help but reflect on this past weekend, and how much it sucked dick. Sometimes I honestly feel like Delaware is this black hole. No matter what, you get sucked in.
Tomorrow's some kind of stranger
Who I'm not supposed to see
You have to be the following to get by:
a drunken college party girl (no check)
into bullshitting with a lot of really boring people (no check)
spoiled rich and rotten so all you do is spend daddy's $$ (no check)
dead (not yet)
old and decrepit (no check)
a workaholic (check)
super close to your family (no check)
obsessed with your significant other and up their ass 24'7 (no check)
One out of 8, I'm doomed.
I keep myself busy with work, but school's out and I'm bored to fucking tears. I think a part of it is growing up too. I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I've always been this wandering soul, full of awkwardness and insecurities. But doesn't every girl feel this way once in awhile? Or was I supposed to get over this when I was 16? I don't understand.
I've just always been this girl who wants to listen to St. Vincent really loud while driving and drink limeade.
I've recently started doing inventory on my life and it's very refreshing. Every couple of months I weed out all of the bad apples and try to surround myself with people who will only keep me positive. I deleted my myspace & facebook a few months ago as to avoid the rage that always set in when people I couldn't stand, never liked at all in "real life" were always thrown in my face. It just got on my nerves and I couldn't help but wonder "why is everybody so obsessed with themselves?" In a way the internet is really fucking weird.
I still have my twitter, email and blog because well, those are actually fun and semi-creative. Plus I'm still obsessed with myself, obviously, but I just don't want to see 8,000 pictures of some idiot from high school with acne, I DON'T WANT TO BE PART OF YOUR NETWORK! I guess you could say I'm going through yet ANOTHER quarter-life crisis. But this always happens, and I try to look at life with a little bit of a laugh, thinking : well this is my life so I might as well enjoy it. I try to write, read, laugh, love, and make fun of it as much as I possibly can.
For some reason summer being so close is making my head feel a bit wonky. Or maybe it's just my allergy medicine that's got me ~spaced out~ or maybe it's because I woke up at 5Am this fucking morning.. Who really knows? /end.
A BIT OF REAL TALK
1 year ago