Thursday, January 21, 2010

Yeah, well..

1. I feel everyone pulling away from me, slowly but surely. I knew this was inevitable but it still makes me a little sad that people are afraid to get close to me before I leave. Oh well.

2. I've started biting my nails again. This was a habit I thought had turned to ashes along with the house on 588. I find myself with my fingers in my mouth gnawing away like the dweeb that I was in the 7th grade. Watching myself type I can't wait to bite up on my left thumb nail.

3. My mom started crying today at work, I fucking hate when she gets all emotional about me leaving. She went into this tangent about me possibly being sold into sex slavery, and how she's afraid if I leave I'll never come back. Now a few things.. A.) I don't think anybody would want a 21 year old smart mouthed sex slave.. B.)I hate when anybody gets emotional about me leaving. So far it's only been my mom and [blank] and both have made me feel both guilty and sad (at first)then guilty and sad progressed into "I want better things for you, so I get it." Both have reached a peace and understanding that goes hand in hand with them not really speaking to me. This sucks but like bulletin 1. I get it. I understand.

4. I know for a fact that you won't say shit to me before I leave. This stings but won't leave a mark. I guess 16 years of friendship isn't really that long when you take into consideration that we were just two sad girls with crazy families who became friends in the third grade. We just so happened to be stuck in the same small town spinning our wheels and doing the same small town shit, I'm surprised we stuck around as long as we did. Now you seem happier and you've moved onto bigger and better things, and soon I will too. I know you'll never read this but if you do please don't tell me that you did. Just know that this is how I truly feel.

5. I bought distressed boots (slight wedged heel) on south street for $20 last weekend. They keep my feet warm and I feel 7feet tall and completely slenderized. The heel gives me a slight advantage over street peasants as I clunkclunkclunk like an equestrian god with raven hair and coal black eyes. Maybe one day I'll be able to wear actual high-heels and feel beautiful instead of just awkward.

6. I bought a case of diet coke and instantly felt like a heifer.

In two weeks this shit will be OFFICIAL.

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