Saturday, January 30, 2010

I miss you all the time but I'm blocking it out

Twelve eighteen twenty six, no socks long hair and I remember your shirt was covered in lint. I tried to write everything down in the car, but my head was hurting from an astigmatism in my left eye that has long since corrected itself. I tried to take a nap but I couldn't stop thinking about french fries and cherry coke, all the friends who wore sneakers and the ugly brown drapes at the diner. Vinyl seats until our asses started to hurt and remember that time you played footsie with me? Yeah I remember. You dropped your skateboard and we drove around listening to some ironic 90s hip hop where we both sang along effortlessly. I always liked that about you, you always got all the lyrics right.

I thought I'd hidden everything that reminded me of you inside a shoe box under my fucking bed! I had to hide things from myself like a little kid. I kept $20's and $50's in the secret compartment in my wallet because I knew myself, if I saw something I wanted on impulse I would just pull out a $20. I knew my impulsive side, if I saw something that reminded me of you I'd pick up my blackberry to shoot the shit and it'd be curtains.

But then today I found you, two-thousand and seven, smiling in a stack of expired film near my record player. It was us laying side by side with the lyrics "I want you to know" next polaroid (kissing your cheek) "I'll always love you" next polaroid (you smiling) "And always be your friend" Funny that I'd quote the Appleseed Cast when you always hated that band.

I'd like to be someone you could finally learn to love again .

"Holy Dances" on repeat. Late pass, fuck yourself.

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