It's bound to melt your heart

I pretty much stole this idea from my future wife Becca. She wrote an entry on her top favorite love songs, but for me I can't just chose "love songs" since there are about 500 different aspects of love songs (IMO.) I mean you've got unrequited love, lost love, found love, true love. lost and found love. etc. So whatever, here's a little compilation of my favorite "LOVE ETC" songs. Enjoy blogger world.

love songs

1. Passionate - Kind of Like Spitting
2. William, It Was Really Nothing - The Smiths
3. Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley
4. Goodnight and Go - Imogen Heap
5. I'll Love you More Than You'll Ever Know - Blood Sweat and Tears
6. Marie - Kevin Devine
7. Blue in the Face - Alkaline Trio
8. Talk Tonight - Oasis
9. At Your Most Beautiful - Last Days of April
10. Innocent Vigilant Ordinary - The Appleseed Cast
11. Album of the Year - The Good Life
12. Landlocked Blues - Bright Eyes
13. Autumn Sweater - Yo La Tengo
14. Hope for Us - The Jealous Sound
15. Wild Horses - The Sundays
16. Fade into you - Mazzy Star
17. Cry baby Cry - The Beatles
18. Calculation Theme - Metric
19. Your Ex-Love is Dead - Stars
20. A minor incident - Badly Drawn Boy
21. One Summer Last Fall - Jets to Brazil
22. Twin Falls - Built to Spill
23. Ten Cent Blues - Eisley
24. Fly Around My Pretty Little Miss - Brad Zefferen
25. Linger - Cranberries
26. My Heart is an Apple - The Arcade Fire
27. You Are what You Love - Jenny Lewis
28. Arizona - Pedro the Lion
29. Positive Tension - Bloc Party
30. Josephine - The Magnetic Fields
31. New England Sunrise - DieradioDie
32. Don't Leave the Light on Baby - Belle & Sebastian

I know I know, it's a long ass play list but trust me narrowing it down to just 32 songs was excruciatingly hard. I am deeply and ridiculously emotionally rooted to every single one of these songs. Some of these tracks have literally been following me around since I was 14 years old. Some remind me of my family, some of old unrequited love, one or two remind me of drinking red stripe with a straw and sitting on the hood of older kids cars in Southern New Jersey. But most remind me of the guy I've been in love with all along.

When my boyfriend and I first started dating I was only 18 and he had just turned 21. It was long distance instantly considering I live in Delaware and he's located in North Eastern Pennsylvania. It's about a 7hr trip if you count in the hour long train ride to Philly, the hour of waiting for the Martz bus, and then the three hour bus ride to his actual home. When he went away to tour with his band the summer of 07' he was gone for about two months and I missed him so much I literally thought my head and heart were going to explode. I mean I was used to missing him for weeks at a time, but months? MONTHS? I was going insane. When I told him how I felt he said "listen to the song Talk Tonight by Oasis," which he had sneakingly uploaded onto my ipod before he left. I listened to that song alone in the break room of the Walgreens where I working at the time. Two and a half years later and this song still gives me goosebumps. If he found out I was blogging about this he'd probably off himself, so I'm sorry Matt, I love you!

The other 31 songs are equally as powerful to me, emotionally, physically everything. So to cop out on Becca, what are some of your favorite love ETC or just plain love songs?

Summer staples :

Korres
Mango Butter Lipstick SPF 10 in Fuchsia 54



Comptoir Sud Pacifique
Vanille Abricot
Notes: Apricot, Jackfruit, Papaya, Tahitian Vanilla, Sugar Candy.



GO SMiLE
Lemonade Smile toothpaste



Laura Mercier
Shimmer Bloc



Living Proof
Straight Making No Frizz Styling Treatment for Thick to Coarse Hair



Juice Beauty
Organic Facial Moisture Concentrate


Absolutely nothing but perfect skin, bright lips and a bit of bronzer, and sweet smelling sprays for my summer staples. The years of applying powder foundations that just sink into my skin are over. Of course I won't stray too far from my mascara and I really need to start getting into the habit of wearing sunglasses (crows feet, do not want.) I wanna live at the beach this summer and cake myself in spf eating vinegar french fries and wave surfing like I'm 9 years old again. I don't want jellyfish to smack me in the tummy or seashells to cut up my knees, just the salty Atlantic clinging to my curls.

All of these products can be found on the Sephora website where I ordered them from. Enjoy, and what are your summer staples? C'mon don't be shy, comment comment!!

It's way too late to be this locked inside ourselves

So thankful that March is almost over. This is always my hardest month, hands down it's just bad memories and transitions into Spring always make my allergies a little wonky. I started a daily regimen of taking two spoonfuls of locally harvested honey to help get me used to the Delaware pollen, so far so good. Lets hope I won't have to take handfuls of allergy drugs and neti-pot every morning like last Spring.

Also have been working non-stop, making tons of money. Leaving 4/9 en route Matt's house for Easter (third Easter in a row.) Going to be spoiled with candy and records with a "special surprise," and new War Hungry t's. I really got lucky with finding a man who has the best family, we all get along so great and his mom is seriously one of my best friends.

Also started reading the book "Tweak" sadly I have come to the conclusion that you can only write a biography if you were once a drug addict, prostitute or a teen mother. Bummer.

You got me wrapped around your finger,

Lovin this "Spring" Mix I made to soothe my knitting rhythm

hey freakz

Today was rainy weepy and I realized I do not have a jacket for this in-between fake almost spring weather. It's also time to change my flannel bedsheets since I wake up drenched in sweat.

Personal transitions into Spring :

more knitting
more reading
more loving

less caring
less engaging
less lethargic
less scatterbrained

Spring is symbolic of re-birth, so Attn : Mother Nature it's time to vaginally birth your child, little baby-sprouting-tulip-poppin' Spring. Also, you can relax on the rain and perhaps make it so the mulch on the fields around here don't smell so strongly of dead humans? Ok, thanks.

Monday morning comes too fast,

Past weekend = a lot of : boyfriend-kissing cuddling thrifting procrastinating whining Shirley Temples mid-night ice cream cones learning to knit, perfect days. Allergy season itchy elbows perfect skin, going for a hike at the Complex, cold ears, trimming bangs in public restrooms,embarrassing typos. Used razors with built in shaving cream and realized I say the words "crayon, glass, class and mirror," all incorrectly. New friends (?) I DON'T WANNA JINX IT/pizza excursions learning to take the Blue Line all by myself. Missing out on a fun weekend and working instead, life can't be just one big party, unfortunately for some.

For the first time I feel like I'm really truly lucky. I've been so good with my money that it's borderline nauseating. But I'm proud of myself, it's a good feeling to never be living paycheck to paycheck.
I need new yarn (already!) new paint brushes, new books to read/borrow new music.

The only downside to life is that I need to make up my mind about Japan soon. Decisions are the one thing about growing up that I will forever suck at. I will probably wait until the very last possible second and flip a coin.

"I pity the fool who tries to get this done!"

I'm obsessed with infomercials.

The Bump it

"BUMP A PONY, OR ROCK A BOB!" If you're a country girl, a cool girl or just a plain old boring FLAT HAIRED chick Bump It's will change the way you do your hair, forever. This video is so ~flirty~ and sexy. I wish I was bumpin right now, but sadly I am not.

Mr. T's Flavorwave Oven

"Darlin, are my eyes deceiving me? Or am I lookin at the frozen food section at the super market?" Not only am I ALWAYS sold on food infomercials simply because, well duh they're food, but Mr. T?!?! REALLY. SOLD. Watch the first few seconds just to experience T knocking down the kitchen door. Conclusion : this shit looks efficient and very believable. My biggest complaint is that Mr. T isn't wearing his usual layered gold chains.

ShamWOW

Never mind that this guy forgot to take off his McDonald's drive-thru headset. Never mind that he looks miserable and has the worst Staten Island/ slightly Australian accent. I also am under the impression that Mr.Shamwow smoked a shitload of crystal meth before cameras were rolling. The ShamWOW is going to change the world!!! Look at all that cola it holds! We actually use product similar to this at work to dry dogs off with after their baths. So, for me personally the idea of using the same product to dry off dishes freaks me the fuck out. But I guess in theory this isn't a bad investment. Conclusion : Get with it guys. We're all trying to "Go Green," and save our mother earth. So smoke some green and get your sham'wowwza on. "You'll be saying wow every time!"

wow
wow

every.time.

The Tiddy Bear

"Now with the Tiddy bear I enjoy traveling again!" Usually when the seat belt is all up on my neck, I just push the seat belt to the side. In my experience seat belts are not UNUSUALLY confiding and just sort of hang there. In fact I can only recollect one time in my life that I was even aware of my seat belt annoying me. But all that's changed, now there's the Tiddy Bear! So soft and cuddly I can't wait to drive around with a neon orange bear hugging my breast's. Conclusion : It will only give other cars an excuse to get their road rage on.

The Snuggie

Because who doesn't want to look like they're wearing a cloak and about to perform a human sacrifice? While staying warm! We all know that blankets are inefficient and should probably just be banished. Snuggies will probably rule the world. It's one size fits all, unless you're Manuel "MeMe" Uribe Mexico's fattest man who weighs 500lbs. Chances are the Snuggie will not fit you. Sorry MeMe.

Nads hair removal

Of course Nads had to play the bearded lady card! She just pulled a pic of her during her "bearded years" out of her breast pocket.. in case you missed it. The beard imo looks very Amish, and I heard through the grapevine that Nads is a shitty product and won't even remove hairy legs. Conclusion : if you're dreadfully bearded (like me,) Nads is probably not a good investment.

The Listen Up!

In case you're curious about who's talking about your fat ass, the listen up is for you! If you want to hear your husband take a shit (FROM THE OTHER ROOM!!!) the listen up is for you! Conclusion : if you want to be back on planet earth, sadly the listen up is not for you. But I guess if you're old and decrepit, hard of hearing and all those other things that follow with old age, the listen up might be worth the shipping&handling.

I have unfortunately noticed a slight decline in infomercials in the past couple of years, I have a feeling that they will as a whole become a dying breed. A lovable collectible, like when grandpa's watch old western movies. I'll be that wrinkly miserable grandmother watching infomercials and knitting my grand kids a sweater they'll end up throwing on the floor and letting their dog piss on. Inevitably all of my good efforts will have been in vain, sort of like this blog.

i'll see you when the sun sets east, don't forget me

I miss my cousin Rian so much. I wish she would come back from Portland and eat spaghetti with me. I miss her making fun of my taste in music and calling me Miss Priss. I miss going to Sephora and her blowing $100 on makeup and never thinking twice. She drove cross country with her best friend this past summer, on a fucking whim! She's been to all of Europe and has a Thin Lizzy tribute tattoo.

I love her in a way that I can't even describe because she's been through hell and back, and she's still a sweetheart. Rian lost her mom (my aunt,) in April 2007. She died in a tragic house fire, where Rian's brother (my cousin Kevin,) survived. Instead of being mad at the world for taking her mom away, Rian somehow learned to live her life like everyday is her last, which is something I completely suck at. When the anniversary of my aunt's death came around last year, my entire family panicked, wondering how Rian would handle it. She drove from Philly to Ohio to throw her mother's ashes off a cliff into Lake Michigan along with my aunt's favorite flowers, lilies. We still talk about my aunt frequently because we know she's always with us. Not in some freaky vodoo way, but in a way that when you love someone they're always around.

I had a fear of fire right after my aunt died. I couldn't see fire on tv, I couldn't hear people talk about fire. My boyfriend knew that if there was a scene in a movie that involved fire to cover my eyes for me. I confided in Rian about my fear and she said "fire was here first," and she lit up a cigarette.

We look so much alike, all the women in our family. The same chubby cheeks, big eyeballs and big lips that we HATED when we were younger but now of course we understand how blessed we are. We have the same thick curly hair that coincidentally we both straighten now. She calls herself "the punked out version with bigger boobs."

The first time she came to see my boyfriend's band play at this church in Philly I was so nervous. She showed up in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, smiled and said "they sound really old school, I like it!" It felt good to have her blessing. I really wish she was here right now to talk me into eating Taco Bell. In a way I wish I could go back to last March when she was living in Philly and only a train ride away, but she's happier and living her life in Portland, so I ain't mad. Just missin.

Like an empty restaurant filled with perfume and balloons.

And then the lights came on
in the middle of the night
what I should do with my life
how I should spend my time

I
Fidget. Fidget
Fidget. Fidget..

I curse. I twitter-update and self indulge with ice cream for breakfast. My bra at some point in time was pink but it's faded and sort of a dirty brown. Rather read a magazine. Don't watch the news. I steal my boyfriend's socks. Sometimes I litter. My carpet is spattered with dried up acrylics. Finding the effort to drag myself out of bed to brush my teeth is excruciatingly hard. I swallow my gum. Deep down I know I don't make anybody necessarily proud. Lead shoes. Headaches everyday. I'm lethargic and can't open up my mouth to speak properly 99.9% of the time. I need a new typewriter ribbon, I wanna take up knitting. I wanna stop fidgeting.

Don't talk shit you can't back up!

I have someone who calls me princess.

I'm the girl who always reaches over in your car, to turn up the music.

I'm the girl who wants to know your deepest darkest secrets.
I'll let you spill them out, I'll drink it off, but I'm keeping mine locked down.
I remember every single story you've ever told me.

Sick of friendships that are stressful. Or maybe they weren't ever really friendships in the first place, most people are just opportunists. Usually it's just easier to co-exist in a dysfunctional friendship than actually "break up," because once the shit hits the fan, there's NO turning back. I'm still holding grudges from two years ago, and I'm okay with that. Still holding grudges from 7 months ago, and I'm fine with that.

I'm pretty corny when it comes to karma. I believe you really do get back what you put forth in this universe. So if you're a miserable passive aggressive bitch, it'll come back at you. In the mean time I'm going to stop apologizing for pissing people off simply because I want to go away for a weekend and visit my boyfriend. Misery loves company.

Suck it, nerds. I'm over this stress.

you dickhead y'all get pussy-whipped

Click for full size.


I am the definition of a selected memory. I remember some of the most random off the wall shit from my childhood. The good, the bad, and the just plain weird.

I feel like I've been cheated a little at life considering my long term memory-selective memory is the bomb, while my short term is something to be desired. I can't remember phone numbers, names of people I've just met, or appointments for shit. I remember reading a tip to remember someones name, but I forgot what that tip actually is. Whoops.

WHAT I DO RECOLLECT HOWEVER :
my 1st grade guidance counselor dressing up in traditional Kwanzaa gear, carefully placing his kufi atop my little head. I was so honored. That was also the same year that a boy in art class whispered in my ear "I'm going to hump the shit out of you". I didn't know what "hump" meant but I remember smacking him across his face because I knew he was being dirty.

2nd grade I remember having my picture taken on the first day of class. I was super tan and wearing a hot pink onesie with a matching scrunchy, gap toothed and so excited to be a "first grader," no longer a little kindergartner. Our teacher asked our class "Now lets all share one important fact about ourselves with the class, so we can all get to know each other!" The little girl sitting next to me raised her hand and enthusiastically announced "I'm not wearing any undies!!!" Poor choice Jennifer Coleman, you free-ballin freak. She would later grow up to be a blowjob queen circa Middle School.

3rd grade we raised beetles in a large tank that were fed to our principals pet iguana. Why my principal owned a pet iguana that she kept in an aquarium located in her office, is far beyond me fellow bloggers. Also, for god knows what reason, I would VOLUNTARILY miss recess so I could feed the beetles handfuls of frosted flakes and watch them squirm around. I distinctly remember feeling sorry for the beetles dreaded fate. Life was so unfair.

We got a new jungle jim that year, watched our Principal go down a slide into a baby pool full of pancake batter, and my pervert gym teacher's toes always stuck out of his shoes. We played crab soccer in gym (if you don't know what that is I feel sorry for you,) and one of my favorite activities was "WHO CAN SCUFF AWAY THE SCUFF MARKS ON THE GYM FLOOR." And for some reason the prospect of scuffing away the most scuff marks really enticed me.

I wrote my first story about a beaver who ran away from home, in the 4th grade.
My teacher Miss. Grass (seriously her name was Miss Grass,) told me I was born to be a writer. She really liked that beaver story I guess?

I'd like to look back and say "Yeah when I was a kid I was on top of my shit! I read literally any book I could get my hands on and played with my American Girl doll 24'7! I helped my Nana cook! I was on a soccer team called The Blaze!!! I WAS REALLY INVOLVED AND HAD A GREAT CHILDHOOD!" While all of these statements are in fact TRUE, sadly world, I was a hopelessly embarrassing child.

Now I never outted myself to my entire class room when I wasn't wearing underwear, but I had my fair share of "Are you mentally challenged?" moments. I used to beg my best friend Melissa to play barbies with me and we once spent an hour attempting to suspend her Beanie Baby's from her bedroom ceiling by using clear fishing wire. Mission failed.

Once I was watching the movie Kingpin with my brothers. For some reason the scene where Roy Munson just fucked his triff' landlord and she's shitting on the toilet and does this :

was engraved into my brain and I made a mental note to ask my mom what it meant, because my brothers were laughing up a storm! So I figured it must be something hilarious! Fast forward a week later where I demonstrated back at my mom the derogatory notion for cunnalingus and asked "HEY WHAT DOES THIS MEAN" wiggling my tongue around while the entire grocery store stared at me. My mother embarrassed, ashamed and probs assuming I was a little lesbian in training, refused to tell me. Her response was "It's worse than flipping someone the middle finger Erica."

I theorize that me being a weirdass child was probably just my inner writer and creative imagination running on overdrive. Or maybe I was just battshit crazy from day one? Yeah, that's probably it. Anyway I'm glad I remember all these LOL moments from my childhood. Can't wait for my children to fuck up so I can blog about them.

Heard you fuck through the wall

When I'm bored
I send vibrations
In your direction
From the satellite mind

The boyfriend got me sick, so I'm scratchy throat-ed and sniffling. Sitting on my bed at home with a million things I should be doing. But I'm too light-headed to really do anything but lay in my queen bed and dread my workweek (which starts tomorrow,) and doesn't end until next Wednesday, about 10hours a day but I do love money. There's a stack of magazine's I'm yet to read, three books I've finished, a brand new 120gig ipod and a tall glass of orange juice. I successfully ate my weight in fresh fruit, cold medicine is so foul tasting. I took my vitamins.

So far what I've uploaded onto my ipod :
Fantasies - Metric
Step Forward EP - Step Forward
Head Trip in Every Way - Super Drag
Regretfully Yours - Super Drag
In the Valley of Dying Stars - Super Drag
For Your Own Special Sweetheart - Jawbox
No Spiritual Surrender - Inside Out
Alone in a Crowd - Inside Out
Day Three of My New Life - Knapsack
Silver Sweepstakes - Knapsack
Intiution - Jamie Foxx
Cyptograms - Deerhunter
Siames Dream - Smashing Pumpkins

Obviously I have some serious work to do, but these were the few albums I could think of to download quickly before I went to sleep. With a 120gig I could basically upload all the music from 12 of my closest and dearest friends + my own music and still have ample room so my music world is about to get AWESOME.

It's weird because I was just thinking about my "Dad" (the real dad, not the one that raised me,) you know the Spanish one who has the same last name as me, same big black-brown eyes and lives in Japan now. The same "Dad" who I never asked for anything but help with money for books and he said "I have to pay for my new car," the same "Dad" who once told me he never loved my mom.

I only think about him sometimes when I hear women on Maury crying "MAURY I NEED TO FIND MY REAL FATHER!!!!" like bitch, actually, you really do not. I was better off never meeting my "real father," I had a step-dad who I refer to as "My Dad," and my "real dad," I call him "Old Dad," (sorry if this is confusing.) Anyway I wish I could just inject those women with some GET OVER IT JUICE and tell them "Look it doesn't matter who your blood father is. If you have a man who raised you as his own who you love and call dad, that's all that matters. Sperm and blood don't mean shit!"

As much as I resented my "Old Dad/ Real dad," okay lets just call him by his first name "Don" I've learned that it's not really his fault that he's so stupid. He can't help it. He's actually an immigrant from Spain and English is his second language, so I've explained to myself that he lacks most American social skills. Not to mention the fact that he's completely cut off from most of his family due to his sexual preference. So I'm guessing he has more demons that he's willing to admit, I'm willing to bet my brother and I are two of them.

Demon 1
Demon 2

Sadly, I don't think he'll realize that until it's too late.

Anyway, I really deviated from the point. So basically "Don" has been trying to get me to come to Tokyo, Japan for the summer and work for him. And up until now I was like "Man bullshit, fuck you!" I never said that but I was always thinking it. I'd just respond with something polite like, "OH yeah that's really cool! I'll see what I can do!" Because god forbid if I hurt the feelings of the deadbeat dad who abandoned me and didn't speak a single word to me until age 15.

----DADDY ISSUES------

MOVING ALONG TO THE TOPIC AT HAND, yesterday I got probably my third or fourth email from Don in the past year and it read :


Erica, there are summer jobs here available. The jobs are admin assistant to computer work nothing real technical. It's a good chance to make some decent money.

Don Moreno


Plz overlook the fact that my "Real father" I mean "Don" is a fucking robotic moron.
Also keep in mind he missed my birthday, all major holidays and just the standard "Hey offspring how the hell are ya!?" Standard email.

Aside from that frustration I thought it over and living in Japan for the summer could be an awesome experience, especially living in Tokyo. It'd be nice to get away from Delaware. I know my friends will survive without me, my mom will continue on her path to self destruction and my boyfriend will probably be on tour while I'll be lost in translation making "Decent money."



I'm trying to tell myself that all of this is happening for a reason. Those reason's I'm assuming are : Sushi, towelket's, Meiji Shrine and the Sensoji Temples, Aqua Museum at Yokohama Hakkeijima Sea Paradise (three-story aquarium with over 100,000 sea creatures/ "Aqua Tube" which is an underwater tunnel,) and of course the Choshoan Tea Room.

Metric leaked

Words can not even describe how happy I am.

Can't wait for tomorrow...

Listening to the smashing pumpkins in bed, with a space heater. Matt's making me popcorn and my feet are finally warm. I'll never get sick of this. Back to Delaware tomorrow, headache motion sickness and no ipod, kill me. I need to set a plan to work my way out, all loose ends secured and maybe bring my dog, typewriter and keds. It's certainly been a strange couple of days, in a good way. In a way that I'll think back and say "well shit, I'm glad that finally happened." Kill em' with kindness.

Shit that pisses me (us,) off!

Shit that pisses me off :
- having skin that would give a dermatologist a boner
- runny noses
- when my little brother smokes his cigarettes in the shower
- heavy perfume
- when people ask "Hey can you grab that thingy over there?"
- preconceived notions
- DOUBLE STANDARDS I'm no feminist (saying this once before got me into some trouble for the record ahahahaha,) but I'm not gunna lie sometimes guys get away with entirely too much. Still love ya'll though
- music "elitist" if you consider yourself one of these chances are you just need to find yourself a job
- name droppers
- when my boyfriend doesn't "believe that periods can really be that bad," um, I wish all you men had a uterus that chose to assualt you, both physically and mentally for 4-7 days once a month.
- jesus freaks


shit that pisses YOU GUYS off :
- "When people chew near me in an education setting." Alecia K.
- "Working too much," Corbitt Webb
- "Dudes that think they're cooler than ice in the freezer." Ronnie McGhee
- "? I don't get pissed off about much, you can put that in print," Matt Hudak aka my entirely too easy going boyfriend.
- "People that repeat themselves excessively." Shirin Rahmani
- "Rich people and racism." Rian Mcgee
- "Sloppy drunks. My friend Jared said blue balls." Bridget Kelly
- "Jamaicans, or just any island in general." Craig M.
- "Oh, is this for "what's bugging you," on Fox News? No? Ok, well not getting straight A's in school." Eric NYC
- "When people drive in the left lane going under 85 DONT FUCKING DRIVE IN THE LEFT LANE UNLESS YOURE GOING VISIBLY FASTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE." Cecelia Liu
- "When people don't do what they say." Nikki Ashton
- "Everything." Becca Lewis
- "Also when girls tenfold the volume of their voice when they want attention." Bridget (again)

What in the world is in that BAG, what you got in that BAG?

BlackBerry® Pearl
Wrigleys Orbit Peppermint gum
Birth Control (sorry mom,)
Fresh Sugar Lip Treatment SPF 15
The Body Shop - Almond Daily Hand & Nail Cream
Glaceau Smart Water
Moleskin-Daily-12-month-Agenda
Betsey Johnson 'Lady Jungle' Clutch

--
What's in your bag?

yeah yeah yeah

Everyone talks here, no one listens. The only person who ever really listens is my mom but today she said, "Why don't you take some business classes?" When she makes comments like that I want to hit her. I just want to go to every rest stop in America. I want to hang my clothes on a clothesline and wear yellow rubber gloves when I do the dishes. I want to be a librarian; I want to marry a janitor. I want to go to prom. I want to eat cheese doodles in the car and wear a black hoodie sweatshirt. I want my car to break down at night. You and I will run into a haunted house and kiss for hours. I want to drink whiskey and watch a movie somewhere far away. I want to see the weather change when I drive. I always want to hear your voice in my house. I love that sound. I wish we were brother and sister trapped in an attic. I wish we were driving to Nebraska, we could make out in cornfields. I want to lick your arms that are all strong and sweaty because you have been digging and farming all day. I'll make you oatmeal and then we'll drive and drive, I want to go fishing and not talk for hours.
page 146

Update March 3rd,09'
I had to shovel the parking lot at work today with the world's smallest shovel. A dog came in that had been skunked, worst smell imaginable. I dropped my blackberry into a snowdrift. I vaguely (still,) smell like skunk. My cat shit all over my moms bed. All my jeans are dirty. My hair's dirty, I feel like my spinal cord is twisting it's way into the depths of scoliosis.

But on the plus side I got a free bagel with cream cheese and found my great gram's wedding ring underneath my bed! I had pretty much given up and was sold on the idea that one of my little brother's druggie friends had pawned it. I guess my ~guardian angel~ was just being secretive.

Doggy style

For those who don't know, I work at my mom's dog grooming shop "Abark Above Grooming," as a dog washer. My job is very glamorous and results in me having to wear a metallic blue waterproof apron and there is always dog hair somewhere in/ or around my eye area.

Anyway, it's just a temporary job seeing as how I'm working myself through school and it sure kicks the shit out of a boring cashier job. Sometimes half the battle is just putting up with my mom, but the cute dogs and lack of human contact on a minute by minute basis make it easier. This might sound a little fucked in the head, but I honestly believe that the world would be a better place is everyone just owned a dog.

So after that heartfelt confession I'm going to grace you with some funny pictures I found on my moms camera, enjoy!


A poodle puppy coming in for her very first haircut! Obviously this is a BEFORE pic, but she's so cute and reminds me of a teddy bear.


A pissed off cat. People sometimes can't believe that we groom cats, but there are some batshit crazy human's who want us to shave their cats entirely (as a way of managing the hair,) so we gotta do what we gotta do.


This is a Maltese named Kahlua. She's named after an alcoholic beverage soooo it's safe to say that her owner is probably inebriated 24'7. I say this because her only requests when she brings in her dog once a month is : "Keep her as long as you can! And put those cute bows in her hair!" Soo impractical, but still cute.


This is a Mastiff which is roughly the size of a baby elephant. I just though this was a very ~candid shot~


Same dog only this time he's yawning and making another WILD N'KR4ZY FACE! For some reason I recollect in the middle of brushing him my mom grabbing her camera and saying "Man that was a good one!" Yeah Barb I guess you're right.

You're making the biggest mistake of your life

Usually when I'm bummed a good book and a bowl of apple oatmeal can always does the trick, but not tonight.

Sucks that in life you can't just rent a video tape entitled "HOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN HAD YOU DONE THIS.." volumes 1,2,3,4,5 etc etc. I'm that person who dwells on everything, constantly. It always results in me pouting, with a migraine and rubbing my temples wondering "What if.."

Worst way to live. Trust me.

I'm the worst at making decisions. For example today I went out to dinner with my friend and was craving waffles, but for some reason I made THE WRONG DECISION and ordered blueberry crepes instead, which were entirely too sweet and left a really bad taste in my mouth. Why didn't I just go for the gold and trust my gut instinct!?! Why am I always unsatisfied. In the words of tbs "why can't you just be happy," pause "why can't you just be happy," end pause.

I sound like a 12yr old, I attempted to articulate in my moleskin journal but the words just come out in sudden bursts of anger with so many exclamation points! Which I have realized I use entirely too much!!! So I'm trying to cut back!!! But it isn't really working!!!

!!!!!!